Thursday, June 24, 2010

Same Old Story... Too Little, Too Late

Mood: Clean.
Music: Consider Me Gone by Hilary McRae.

Did you ever hold a dream for so long that you thought it will eventually come true? I did and the thing about dreams is reality will always come crushing down on them. The thing is... I'm dumb enough to keep them after reality ruins them and pick up the pieces with some glimmer of hope that they'll come true.

Why am I changing my mind about this now?

Why am I so jaded all of the sudden?

Lies, that's what. Living in a world full of technology with phones that give you information at the tip of your fingers, the truth will eventually come out, whether you know it or not. You think I won't find out, think again. If you're going to lie, keep your story straight on everything and that includes facebook, myspace and the blogs you write.

So... now I realize I wasted 9 years of my life (that's my 20s, folks) on some thing that resembled a friendship. Well, what I thought was friendship turned out to be just a non-committal "relationship" that can be hidden at a moments notice. The reason why I say it could be hidden at anytime because every time I invited this person to come out, they would decline and then find them in the place I'd invited them to in the first place. That and we never met in public with their friends and probably never talked about me to them, whereas I highly praised him and my friends would ooh and ahh. Fuck that.

Maybe I'm just dumb enough to believe the words that were said, liked "I really appreciate what we have and don't want to lose it" and "We have a special fucked up relationship that I like." Then again, I'm known to fall for the words "I love you" and "You should move here."

Do I regret it? Somewhat. There are things I don't regret and there are things I REALLY REALLY regret. I regret having feelings for them. I really do because they were never reciprocated, but they were always acted upon them because they know they would get something out of it.

So, this "friendship/relationship" we had? Consider it over. I already rescinded my application to a school in a land far far away where women are treated as second class citizens. I would have burned everything that was given to me but it's hot in Texas; so my dog is now using it as a tug o war toy. \

I guess that's it for now. Anyone know of a good app for this blog? Just wondering.

Love always,

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