It's life after the party's over and real life begins. No more of the over romanticized daydreams and follow me into the world of working in the real world and trying to find what I really want in my life.
Okay, I know it’s been over since last month BUT Cliff Lee was a free agent then. Now he’s gone to the Phillies, it’s all bittersweet. He didn’t go to the Rangers but at least he didn’t go to the stupid Skankees… I mean, Yankees.
And now I’m being treated like I’m on suicide watch. Seriously? I’m going to be fine and my friend who works for the Rangers might get a Christmas bonus now.
I went on a blind date recently. Nice enough guy, not typically who I go for and I usually can overlook this. Here's the problem.
Me: I'll text you sometime. Him: Sorry, I don't text.
Ladies and gentleman, I think I found the man who still lives in the early 2000s.
I'll admit it, I'm techie shallow. I can overlook the fact he's a little naive in the dating world and that he's a single dad and a perfectly nice man.
Texting is a whole different story. I mean, I can't make outside phone calls at work. I don't even make plans by calling anymore. Since the smartphone age, I've been planning events and dates from my phone from simple Texting to creating invites from an iPhone app. If I really wanted to, I can sign up for a dating site from my phone during lunch.
But actual calling? I only do that for job interviews and emergencies or if I really need to talk to my bff. I'll call my mother every once in a while, but even then she prefers Texting.
I know I'm wrong in this, but I can't call to chit chat with dates anymore. I'm a techie kind of girl and that's who I'll be for a while. Step up or step off. Just make sure you text first.
Our Nolan, who art in the stands, hallowed be thy name. Thy Rangers come, thy will be done, to score against the Yankees as they play. Give us this day, our awesome Hamilton play, and forgive the fake Yankee fans who just suck as we give a Ventura sized ass whooping for those who trespass us. And lead us to a win. AMEN!!
Yes, I know it's been almost a full month since my last post. What can I say? I'm a busy girl! Ha! In all honesty, I used to be able to write these things everyday. Maybe my life was a soap opera back then? I don't know. All I know is I'm pretty much a boring asshole as of late.
Where should I start? Hmmmm... Ranger baseball is my obsession. There. I said it. I pretty much kept this quiet for the past 20... 22 years? Don't know why. Apparently, guys like a girl who loves sports. But yeah, I've been going to games this past year with a few people (one that I will talk about a little bit later) and they have been fun, win or lose. I just pray they win Tuesday with another battle of the badass pitchers, but we all know Lee > Price.
Also took that Foreign Service exam last Monday. Not too bad, but the essay portion was way too short. I hope I did okay anyway. On to writing this essay for my teaching alternative application.
Love life? Non-existent, but you wouldn't know it if I text and email you constantly. Who the hell talks face to face anymore? I'm having to deal with that right now. He won't tell me over the phone or text, but he said it's a good thing. My stomach hurts in anticipation. Also, why would a guy send me his number with the subject of "drunk text" and he has a fiancee? Makes no sense. I give up.
I'm hoping to see one or two of my bffs this week. One later tonight and one at the fair. I miss my girls!!
Tonight, I thought of him again. I don't want to, but he crept in my mind. I know this is going to be an ongoing topic, considering it took up most of my 20s.
With just a little less than 6 months left of my 20s, I'm trying to salvage them. I know, I really should just have fun, but I feel like I really need to live now. Just recreate them the way it should have been done.
I constantly hear that I'm way too connected for my own good.
Tell me something: Why is this such a bad thing? Is it bad that I want to keep up in my friends' lives even though they're thousands of miles away? Is it bad that I want to keep up with everything from the latest stock prices to the scores of the Ranger game that's playing at the time?
And why am I the only one criticized for this connection?
I'll be the first to admit I might need to go to rehab for this "electronic attachment." I refuse to say addicted and obsessed because if I was both things, I wouldn't be able to leave it alone. But I know damn well I'm not the only who needs to go to techy rehab.
Just look at yourself for a minute... maybe an hour... and then look at your phone. How many times a day hour do you look at it, waiting for that text message from a loved one or that important call you've been waiting for? Once? Twice? More like over 50 times.
So don't say I'm "obsessed" or "too connected" when you do the exact same thing; I just happen to have a better phone to do it on. Or maybe we should just chalk it up to being envious for wanting that fancy schmancy phone that someone has and you still have your outdated flip phone. I'm not trying to talk smack about flip phones, mind you, but they are kinda outdated in this fast paced world.
Just finished my application for registering for the Foreign Service Officer Test. Yes, you read that right. Just the exam!!
Anyway, I guess I should start from the beginning in my quest for my purpose in life.
Going to work, day by day, doing the exact same thing over and over again can take a toll on a girl, especially when surrounded by people who either make you feel bad/stupid or the ones who make you want to bang your head on your desk. Yeah, that tedious.
I wasn't until I almost got ran over by a hippo coworker who desperately need to tattle talk to the manager when I realized... I'm in high school and I don't need this. I'm either too smart or know how to play dumb for this job and everyone knows it. And I'm just kinda done with it.
I thought about teaching and still considering it, but I really want to do it overseas for about a year. Never realized that since I'm dark complected, I may be at a disadvantage. Plus, being Filipino, most Asian countries and Saudi Arabia use Filipinos as domestic workers (read: maids, nannies, etc.) and/or sex slaves. I really don't want a parent look down on me just because I look like their maid or something. Sometimes your resume isn't all employers look at and that's frustrating.
I thought about law school again, but most of the lawyers I know are either unemployed or in different fields. I remember talking to this girl at a party and she told me she was an attorney, but now she makes soaps on etsy and she's happy. Another girl I met, I never knew she had her Juris Doctore, but is now in HR at an awesome public relations firm here in town. I also reconsidered family law if I did go to law school, but after seeing divorces happening to my closest friends, I still believe I shouldn't help break families up.
It wasn't until my friend came into town after a stint teaching in South Korea that I really should put my degree to use. She was telling me about the Foreign Service Officer Test she took before she left; so I looked into it. There was one area I was interested in: Public Diplomacy. It just seemed to call to me just from looking at it.
So here I am after going through that process. I'm not really expecting anything out of it, but if it happens, so be it.
Anyway, time for bed. Maybe a hippo won't hit me tomorrow.
Just this minute, I realized how dumb I've been. I know I shouldn't dwell in the past, but something has been bothering me or maybe it saved me from further heartbreak. All I know is I finally pinpointed the moment that I got sucked into that crazy relationship/friendship/whatever and never let go until now.
I should have realized the moment he came crawling back should have been the moment that I said goodbye. After all, if he was going to lie about a girlfriend, think of the other lies he may have told. And that same moment, he realized he could probably get away with anything if he worded it right.
Music: Consider Me Gone by Hilary McRae.
Did you ever hold a dream for so long that you thought it will eventually come true? I did and the thing about dreams is reality will always come crushing down on them. The thing is... I'm dumb enough to keep them after reality ruins them and pick up the pieces with some glimmer of hope that they'll come true.
Why am I changing my mind about this now?
Why am I so jaded all of the sudden?
Lies, that's what. Living in a world full of technology with phones that give you information at the tip of your fingers, the truth will eventually come out, whether you know it or not. You think I won't find out, think again. If you're going to lie, keep your story straight on everything and that includes facebook, myspace and the blogs you write.
So... now I realize I wasted 9 years of my life (that's my 20s, folks) on some thing that resembled a friendship. Well, what I thought was friendship turned out to be just a non-committal "relationship" that can be hidden at a moments notice. The reason why I say it could be hidden at anytime because every time I invited this person to come out, they would decline and then find them in the place I'd invited them to in the first place. That and we never met in public with their friends and probably never talked about me to them, whereas I highly praised him and my friends would ooh and ahh. Fuck that.
Maybe I'm just dumb enough to believe the words that were said, liked "I really appreciate what we have and don't want to lose it" and "We have a special fucked up relationship that I like." Then again, I'm known to fall for the words "I love you" and "You should move here."
Do I regret it? Somewhat. There are things I don't regret and there are things I REALLY REALLY regret. I regret having feelings for them. I really do because they were never reciprocated, but they were always acted upon them because they know they would get something out of it.
So, this "friendship/relationship" we had? Consider it over. I already rescinded my application to a school in a land far far away where women are treated as second class citizens. I would have burned everything that was given to me but it's hot in Texas; so my dog is now using it as a tug o war toy. \
I guess that's it for now. Anyone know of a good app for this blog? Just wondering.
So, I guess this is my first official post. It's late at night and I'm tired physically but not mentally. I have so much on my mind right now. Don't let the title fool you; I'm quite sober right now. Just now realizing my life around me that used to be a big blur and slowing down to appreciate it.
Went out for the first time in weeks and it kinda sucks. While I had my beer goggles on, I gave my number to a much older man (9 or 10 years older, I forget). He texted me saying I'm a hardcore partier. Let's see: 2 beers + trying to have some fun = hard core partier? I don't understand it. Sure, I may have a larger than life personality when I go out, but don't assume I go out every weekend, hitting up every bar I can find and then hooking up with every man who checks out my rack. I may have tolerated you for a few hours, but that doesn't mean you know me. If you're going to assume that, I'm going to post your number on craiglist. Or here. I don't know. I'm a crazy bitch. Whatev.
Also learned hipsters hate 3 6 Mafia. They will boo at it and try to change it to some sucky music. There is one song that everyone loves and will sing along to: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Admit it, it's a kick ass song. Although, I wished I had a video for this hipster who was doing some hardcore head banging a la Wayne's World.